Hello to your face. I come forth today with a warning of dire consequences. I have reason to believe that there may be a traitor amongst us…water!
I mean, think about how important it is in our lives and also how much damage it could cause. One day your twittering while on the toilet and BAM your phone slips between your legs into the bacteria cesspool army lead primarily by…WATER! (the true definiation of twitterea in my books). Your phone is instantly ruined.
Picture this moment. A man spends hours, months (even days!) building a beautiful sculpture made of ice. Which contrary to popular belief is just cold water. Amazing. Anyways…when he goes to remove the final legs of the ice sculpture to show his work of art to the world water was right there to ruin his night, and attempt murder in the process. It collapses ruining his dreams, frustrating his life, and causing minutes of depression fueled by an alcoholic overdose. Check the link at the bottom. Completly unacceptable that there were no charges pressed.
Now this picture is the most disturbing. I know many of a you dread prison for the sole purpose of the shower situation. There’s a good chance of you being violated by another human yes, but if you escape, you only escape to a hot and steamy session with…WATER!
I wonder if my girlfriend knows that some nights I yearn to fill up the bathtub with hot steamy water, crawl out of bed, and lay in a tub in all my nakedness with some WATER. Letting it ooze into every crevice of my body while using its sensational powers to both heal and stimulate my achy breaky body.
Its like some sort of infectious plague that should be treated as a weapon! Kids have it right when they use water as the ammo for their guns. Water, while being deceivingly refreshing, is desensitizing us to its corporate infectious matter. Did you know our bodies are 75% water? Unacceptable. Completly unaceptable. We use water to “water” our gardens, heck, the term “water our gardens” just proves the influence its had on our language! We have dedicated water parks where we play with water. When we get dirty we turn to water to clean up our messes, like its some form of liquid saviour! We can’t escape its wrath, even if we try to avoid it sooner or later water will fall from the sky and ruin our shoes, wet our hair, and damage our sex appeal.
I say we burn water on the stake! But then again, its resistive to fire.
Yeah I’m done this rant, my train is here and I almost wanted to slap the water bottle out of someones hand on the way in.
** Ice Sculpture Fail **